How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

“It’s not about saying the right things. It’s about doing the right things.” ~UnknownYears ago, my family and I moved to a bucolic little town in New Zealand, where we were immediately swept up into a group of ex-pats and locals. We felt deeply connected to this community by the time I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in the local hospital.When our son was three months old, a doctor heard a heart murmur. Twenty-four hours later, he died.In the days and weeks that followed, I wandered in my own fog of grief as I went about the necessary tasks of ordinary life: shopping for food, taking our other kids to school, doing the usual mounds of laundry.Meanwhile, my new friends kept their distance. I saw them take great care to avoid me: to cross the street, switch supermarket aisles, literally do an about-face when they saw me coming.Invitations stopped coming. The phone went silent. My grief was marked by a deeper isolation than I’d ever known.Later, many of these people apologized. They told me they were terribly sad and distressed about what had happened, but hadn’t known what to s

Source: How to Speak to Someone About an Unspeakable Loss

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