FIRST SLEEPOVER

Finally I was able to spend the night at the Kids’ House. Not only that but I remained well enough to walk and shop and read and play. Sweet Celebrations.

Granddaughters in concerts and nursing a 3 year old the whole way through. Sheer Joy. Everyone is home now. And although I am lonesome and wish I lived nearer or with some of them, we are all in order.

I am very glad that I have Recovery. I have known from the moment I saw Iz lying there in the dirt in the forest that I would mourn as I would mourn. Loudly. Wildly. Quietly. Whatever happened. And so it has gone. More savage even than I expected. More devastating and cruel than I had dreamed – but I have not curbed it nor glossed and polished it up. I am very glad of that.

I have come near to choosing the Old Lady’s Pill Life but that hasn’t come about after all. I am simply fiercely passing through the Wildlands.  Now and then, come days and nights like these. Sheer Joy. Sheer Joy.

I am tired and will try to sleep now.

SCHOOL2
THE BELLINGEN DANCE CONCERT
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THE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE CONCERT
SUSAN'S MANDALA
A MANDALA DRAWN BY MY SISTER AND FRAMED BY MY DAUGHTER

Trauma

This disease is traumatizing. It is shocking. It takes away my sense of normal. It makes people I love unpredictable and scary. It undermines my trust and faith in an orderly and predictable world and in my primary relationships. The earth beneath me feels unsolid, shaky and unreliable. And when I feel like this, I want to hold on tighter, to control, to fix and pin things down so I won’t have to feel this way any more. Today I will accept these feelings as natural and I will breath through them and give them space to move through me knowing that there is a new kind of solidity growing daily within me. The power of presence.

– Tian Dayton PhD

“Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know.

It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy.

It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford.

“The remedy? Well, let’s have a hard look at ourselves, and a still harder one at A.A.’s Twelve Steps to recovery.

When we see how many of our fellow A.A.’s have used the Steps to transcend great pain and adversity, we shall be inspired to try these life-giving principles for ourselves.”

BILL W —-LETTER, 1966

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