I am a Seether. Seether with Resentment. What the fuck has happened to Abundance – in any form ? I seem to have lost my knack with it. Its the last day of Winter and it was once again gloomy and the things I was trying to arrange all fell through.
I do not have the energy to DO this. I am a beaten woman. I wanted to see a Doctor. None today. None tomorrow. There goes Urunga.
So I book into Bellingen. I struck gold. Tomorrow at 10.15 with Dr Goodman – but turns out the Astra is playing up so that car is out. Feck you A.C. Never again will I buy from a friend.And it weren’t cheap and Kaybee has it anyways cause they really need an auto. SO… NO LIFT TO BELLINGEN FROM Kaybee due to the screwed up Astra. Try YRLiss. She is busy. SCREW THE DOCTOR. I shall do without.
These are beastly times. I am right back in the toughness of South Coogee days – way back in the 1990s. Too hard, God. Too hard. Each time I think that the tide has turned and things might be going well, it goes this way. Barse Ackwards.
Well I have been offered lifts via Facebook and I am taking one of them. I am not quite sure why but I am doing it.
SWEET LORD, I EVEN HAVE ENVY ATTACKING AND ALL MANNER OF OTHER THINGS.
Wondering why I spent my sobriety alone while others are partnered and getting money and houses and such. Wondering how the Ex has a lady and home and i have me and a shack when I have done all the RIGHT things.
It is passing. But that’s the nature of the Mood in which I find myself tonight.
Also, I am scared. Why would I not be after these last 2 years. It is 2 years since the Coma this week. All a batch of major suck.
Well – I shall soon try Bed. They say that tomorrow is the first day of Springtime but I have NO feel for anything but Gloom. Grey, cold winter and ugly winds.
Maybe this nasty cold has depressed me.
God does not hurry.
AA ‘Big Book’ – Quote
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that is it fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. – Pg. 66 – How It Works