I HAVE MOVED house many times in my life. I am kind of Nomadic and get restless. And here I go again. This week becomes the Farewelling. To all the little daily doings of the last 2 years. I have details to attend to.
Today I had the garden weeded. I VERIFIED with Lisa that the flat is mine. Each step takes me HOME. And this week – FAREWELLING. Pony rides and shopping at the Spar. Begin some degree of packing. Tell next doors that I am leaving.
I always resist staying and then I resist leaving. Had Shaz drop in tonight and she jagged it – when she said I would have NEW things to experience and photograph and so I will.
BUT FIRST – FAREWELLING.
Goodbye to the tides and the salt water. Good bye to the summer tourists. Goodbye to the Loved Ones who once lived here with me. Goodbye to the first stages of Mourning and Illness. Goodbye for now, Hometown.
AND REMEMBER THIS :
DO NOT CONVINCE YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THAT YOU ARE DYING.
Just For Today
Courage To Change
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Recovery involves change, and change means doing things differently. The problem is, many of us resist doing things differently; what we’re doing may not be working, but at least we’re familiar with it. It takes courage to step out into the unknown. How do we find that courage?
We can look around ourselves at NA meetings. There, we see others who’ve found they needed to change what they were doing and who’ve done so successfully. Not only does that help quiet our fear that change – any change – spells disaster, it also gives us the benefit of their experience with what does work, experience we can use in changing what doesn’t.
We can also look at our own recovery experience. Even if that experience, so far, has been limited to stopping the use of drugs, still we have made many changes in our lives – changes for the good. Whatever aspects of our lives we have applied the steps to, we have always found surrender better than denial, recovery superior to addiction. Our own experience and the experience of others in NA tells us that “changing the things I can” is a big part of what recovery is all about. The steps and the power to practice them give us the direction and courage we need to change. We have nothing to fear.
Just for today: I welcome change. With the help of my Higher Power, I will find the courage to change the things I can.
I don’t want to go up Valery Road anymore. Izzy died up there and I am tired now of seeing his Run – for now.
I think the same thing is now happening with Urunga and my BeachShack. The Ghosts are everywhere and I have befriended them – but I am tired of spending all my days and all my nights with the Wraiths.
2014 saw a number of deaths in a cluster in my life. Gerry who was my Healer died from mouth cancer. Then My Auntie Jean passed away. The Auntie I was closest to and who knew and loved me well. Then Izzy went. After the Coma, a number of people sent me small messages almost daily and then Terry, one of the musos, died suddenly from a heart attack like Izzy. Not long after that, Susan Reynolds, a girls I had sponsored killed herself.
No wonder I have been such a mess. So fearful and hyper vigilant.
Here are some of the exchanges Susan had on Facebook – with Kate while I was in the Coma and then with me. In her own bleakness, she took time to provide simple and loving presence.
Hello Lynne. You know I never post anything, prefer the one on one messages. But My spirit echoes everyone who loves you that are sending posts. And to you Katie, if you have the time or energy to even read Lynne’s messages ( which I suspect not), thank you for the updates. I live in Darwin, just heard sun, from Julia. I used to ph Lynne 24 plus years ago ( she was my very first sponsor, in Sydney), the minute you and Jim left for school, to unload whatever tripe was going on in my head that morning. Lynne sponsored me until you all went back up north. Where it seems you have stayed. Your daughter/ s? are beautiful, and you are a wonderful woman, just like your mum, Katie. This is a very very hard and sad time for you all, but you know many hearts are with you. Mine included. Perhaps this is Lynne’s time, hopefully not.. Whom amongst we mere mortals know of such things. Forgive my clumsiness of expression Katie. Lynne would put everything so much better. But I just want you to know I am yet another soul out here in cyber-land with you all, even tho you don’t know me from Adam, or eve. Probably I am repeating myself. I am so sad about your loss of the fabulous Izzy, so seconds ago. I shall be following you post re Lynne’s progress. And I do hope you have plenty of lovely folks to be caring for you. I strongly suspect so. Love and best wishes, Another friend Susan Reynolds
- 18 September 2014
- Susan Reynolds
I am waiting with you. So much, so sudden. You poor loves. But I know you have the strength. Do hope you are getting sleep and food into you. As Julie said, Lynne needs the rest. But waiting waiting is so very hard. I am comforted that you all have a lot of love and support around you. My heart goes out to you Katie, No need again for you to reply, but very sweet of you to do so. Hang in. Xxxxx SR Did make me smile when I read that the hospital staff has to restrain the influx of visitors. Well of course, friend must be lining up. You will weather whatever comes to pass
Pretty special , eh ? Only 2-3 months later she was gone – up in Darwin which so would not have suited the fragile wee girl that she was.