DOWN again today. Slept all day and crook as a chook. I do believe I am still having a slow quiet nervous breakdown. Wish I could magically be in the new flat with everything in order and very few obligations because I am truly done in and quite nuts.
Anger surges up in me and sinks back into despair. My head is running wild and attacking.
I want to get from here to there – means I settle down and endure the trip. I WILL get there. If I regress during the period of moving, that is OK.
One step at a time. One step at a time.
Tonight – just bed.
Then tomorrow :
- give notice
- call removalists
- speak to Lisa re lease etc.
That will be enough for one day.
And I might just let go of Westnet entirely and change my whole internet setup and phone setup. That can wait.
I am SO close to being OK. So close – but I can’t seem to get past that little last hurdle. I will. Indeed I will.
So – rein your head in. Bring it right back to tonight. How far off programme are you Lynne? You ain’t trusting in anything at all. Worry. Worry. Fret. Fret. Fret.
Reminds me of the time on the M1 to Brisbane when Izzy and I were new and he said to me:
” You seem to have a lot of WHAT IFs for someone with long term recovery “
THE WHAT IFs have returned in an attempt to consume me.
Tomorrow’s business can wait until tomorrow. Tonight is for simple pleasure.
Elder’s Meditation of the Day – September 21
“everything is laid out for you. Your path is straight ahead of you. Sometimes it’s invisible but it’s there. You may not know where it’s going, but still you have to follow that path. It’s the path to the Creator. That’s the only path there is.”
–Leon Shenandoah, ONONDAGA